Long-lasting Marriages and the psychology behind them
Marriages can be elusive, and maintaining long-lasting relationships can be challenging. However, the popular thoughts that long-lasting marriages are unattainable are incorrect. Psychologists believe that marriages can last long if there are exceptional attachments resulting in general satisfaction. Happy marriages result from deep commitments and hard work. Undeniably, contemporary societies have varied perceptions of marriages. Most people cite different socio-economic challenges as common hindrances towards successful marriages (Psychology Today, 2015). However, most of these challenges are caused by differences in personal expectations. Individuals have developed crazy thoughts about the efficacy of the sacred union of marriage. This research explores different psychological perspectives on long-lasting marriages. Psychologists seek to demystify such irrational thoughts about marriages and how coupled can work towards long and successful marriages.
The psychology behind irrational and rational thoughts in marriages
According to psychologists, the irrational thought of thinking marriage as a “happily ever after” affair is a serious recipe to chaos among couples. Couples should be ready to compromise and accept the possibility of diverse challenges in marriages. The innate belief that life will be smooth sailing after getting into marriage is a fallacious thought. Such perceptions result in excess expectations among couples in different marriage unions. In particular, couples should be aware that challenges are inevitable and should develop effective strategies to weather the stipulated storms as one family (Psychology Today, 2015). Couples in long-lasting marriages enter such unions with the perfect knowledge of the alleged challenges. Such couples are less shocked when they start experiencing problems and become more adaptable. Conflicts are primary sources of anxiety, frustration, fear, and anger in marriages. Couples who are less prepared for such conflicts will experience fewer opportunities for growth, nourishment and, the inherent ability to develop effective interactions.
Subsequently, couples in long-lasting marriages do not believe that their relationships will be “all sunshine and rose.” They are aware of the fact that “bed of roses to have thorns” that will occasionally prick them. They constantly avoid delusional thoughts of perfection and are willing to compromise to save their marriages. According to psychologists, individuals in marriages possess different personalities and behaviors. Moreover, such individuals have diverse beliefs and practice systems that must be handled with care to ensure uniformity in the thought processes of behaviors. Thus, couples should accept such differences in socio-economic backgrounds and learn how to disagree and solve their issues maturely. Occasionally, couples must disagree during their daily interactions. For instance, they may engage in heated exchanges during a conversation on certain controversial topics. However, such arguments are okay and perfectly fine in long-distance marriages (Gregoire, 2014). Therefore, couples must learn to commit to solving their issues by cooling down anger to avoid further disagreements. Happy couples should not carry the problem to another day. Delays in solving such issues encourage anger and make it harder for couples to solve their differences (Psychology Today, 2015). In general, couples should manage their expectations and understand that it is never “all sunshine and rose” inside marriages.
Additionally, personal commitment inside marriages is another crucial factor determining the duration of such unions. According to psychologists, the common belief that marriage is a “50/50” can affect the supposed level of commitment among different couples. Typically, marriage demands absolute commitment from the partners. In particular, 100% commitment will enable couples to give everything they can to make the marriage work (Psychology Today, 2015). For example, if one partner cannot afford to pay house rent, the other couple should not have problems executing similar responsibilities. In essence, genuine commitment is the root of lasting marriages. Keeping commitment alive in marriages will promote love and increase willingness not to give up on one another.
Another common fallacious thought in marriages that couples seek to demystify is the feeling that couples will always be in love. Some couples have feelings that are crazy thoughts about love in marriage. They describe love as a feeling “full of butterflies and blushing cheeks” (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). Such individuals are seeking a constant feeling of magic and wonder inside marriages. While such feelings are necessary for marriages, couples must understand that love can reduce between couples. Basing marriages purely on the lovely feelings associated with love can detrimentally affect relationships between couples resulting in separation in extreme cases (Gregoire, 2014). With such feelings, a simple act from a partner that does not depict “normal love” is treated with the utmost contempt and can cause serious disagreements. However, long-lasting marriages should be based on a deep understanding between partners. When one commits something that is not “loveable,” giving up on a marriage is not a viable solution. Psychologists define true love as a commitment towards each other during hard and good times. Therefore, couples should avoid expressing such “puppy-love” feelings towards each other (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). Such feelings can reduce the amount of care and commitment between the couples. Shelving such excessive feelings will enable individuals to cool down and ultimately stick to each other.
Correspondingly, psychologists argue that some couples give up quickly in their marriages. Such couples believe that “grass is greener on the other side” and may make a decision to start new relationships (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). The increased use of social media platforms is one of the primary causes of such disengagements. Pictures and videos of “happy” couples leading perfect lives may influence the related decisions. Such couples constantly compare their partners with “digital romance” expressed through such platforms. Subsequently, they develop feelings towards such a “perfect life” and pressure their partners to emulative the lifestyles. However, couples in long-lasting marriages do not compare their love to other people’s definitions of perceptions about life. They fight their own fights and believe that every marriage has its sunset and rainy days. They occasionally accept to be rained on and keep their marriages in their own eyes. The individuals are thankful for their marriages and appreciate the small favors and help they receive from their partners. Indeed, exploring other relationships outside marriage is not a viable option when addressing issues in long-lasting marriages. The problems in marriages are common among most couples (Gregoire, 2014). Therefore, individuals should avoid constant movements and settle on developing and improving their marriages (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). In essence, “grass is never greener” on the other side. Ultimately, similar challenges will arise in the “greener grass” and without proper understanding and commitment, long-lasting marriage is impossible.
Furthermore, individuals in long-lasting marriages prefer to utilize counseling sessions to solve some of their differences. They accept that they are experiencing problems and are ready and willing to develop effective solutions (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). However, some individuals believe that counseling is necessary for extremely crazy couples. Such people are not willing to accept their challenges and eventually opt for separation or divorce. Couples in long-lasting marriages prefer to perform routine maintenance of their relationships through such counseling services (Gregoire, 2014). Pride among some partners may limit their ability to seek relevant health to strengthen their marriages. In essence, for a successful and long-lasting marriage, individuals should occasionally explore the perceived benefits derived from professional help.
There is never a perfect age or normal socio-economic status to get married. Using age and economic status to determine the efficacy of a marriage is not an accurate determination. Some individuals believe that they must have a certain amount of money in their bank accounts before getting married (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). However, couples in long-lasting marriages view marriage as a crucial life adjustment that is based on the innate feelings to have a close companion. Such individuals are driven by a commitment towards each other. Additionally, the deep understanding and true love they share drive them to establish long-lasting marriages.
Lastly, most couples in contemporary society believe that marriages cannot last beyond certain points. However, psychologists describe such perceptions as irrational thoughts that can shorten the life of a marriage. Such thoughts result in common causes of divorce among couples. Entering a marriage with the innate belief that “marriages do not last” can have detrimental impacts on the level of commitment among most individuals (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). However, couples should view marriages as lifelong unions and develop positive mindsets. Choosing to stick out to marriages is an individual’s decision aimed to ensure a long-lasting relationship. Subsequently, couples should accept the possibility of hard times in the course of their marriages. During such moments, they are likely to develop disdain towards others. In addition, communication and love between them may significantly reduce between couples. However, making a decision to contribute towards rejuvenating relationships will result in long-lasting marriages. According to psychologists, the “for better or worse” mentality is crucial in encouraging commitment and promoting affection between individuals in marriages (Psychology Today, 2015). Undeniably, marriage can be a truly beautiful experience if approached from a positive perspective. The phrase “happily ever after” is mildly possible through trust, commitment, and dedication among couples.
Psychologists affirm that there are no perfect marriages or families. Therefore, couples should not fear imperfections and allow love and trust to grow between them. Alternately, couples should view conflicts as an opportunity to grow their relationship and commitment towards each other. Undeniably, developing long-lasting marriages is a tortuous process (Women Fitness Magazine, 2016). Nevertheless, success is not a smooth or linear endeavor, and couples should express genuine commitment towards their families. Moreover, constantly renewing and updating commitment and upgrading the quality of friendship and love will extend the duration of a relationship. In general, coupled should expect different moments of incongruities, misapprehensions, mutual impatience, and frustrations. Psychologists argue that respect, commitment, trust, and recognition are some of the common characteristics of successful marriages. Committing to living a life of honesty and developing open communication can strengthen intimate marriages (Psychology Today, 2015). While couples should share great moments and achievements, they should devise strategies to solve great challenges constantly arising in marriages.
In conclusion, secrets to long-lasting marriages lie in the genuine commitment between partners and deep understanding. Notably, long-lasting marriage is a beautiful and inspiring feeling of love and friendship between individuals. Moments of hardships and depressions should be met with love and kindness among couples in marriages.
Gregoire, C. (2014) The Psychology Of Loves That Last A Lifetime. Retrieved from https://www.huffpost.com/entry/psychology-of-lasting-love_n_5339457
Psychology Today (2015) Secrets of a Long and Happy Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/turning-point/201509/secrets-long-and-happy-marriage
Women Fitness Magazine (2016) Long-lasting marriages and the psychology behind them. Retrieved from https://www.womenfitnessmag.com/long-lasting-marriages-psychology-behind-them/